Got Faith?

I had my scan today and don't really have all the results yet. The preliminary results and final results are contradictory. The final results indicate little to no change, so we are going to go by those.

Looks like I get to keep developing my FAITH.

All of the blood work looks great, the white blood count and bilirubin levels are all normal. I am still waiting till Monday for the Chromiogranin A (cancer marker) test along with a few other blood tests. There is a little confusion in the CT results so far. When we talked with the doctor, they only had preliminary results and they weren't so great. From those they said that there has been minimal growth and that there are additional lesions on the liver. However, before panic sets in, the doctor sent me home with a printout of the final results and from it's findings, I couldn't find anywhere that said there was growth or additional lesions. So, we will go by that and wait for further clarification.

As for me, I am let down and disappointed. I didn't expect a huge miracle, but I was hoping for a little encouragement at least. I am awaiting the cancer marker results and am hoping I find some encouragement there. I still have incredible faith that it's not IF but WHEN. I guess the when is not now. I am a little melancholy, but surprisingly CALM. I am so grateful for my faith and for Preisthood blessings that have calmed me and comforted me. I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead for me, but I know it's going to be okay and I know that I am STILL going to come through this, just not at this exact moment.

I am so grateful for all of your faith and prayers that you have offered in my behalf. I truly have angels on earth and angels in heaven helping me. Don't give up on me. If you still have faith, please keep it alive. I need all of the positive energy I can find right now. This just re-confirms WHO is in charge. It is not up to me, or you, but GOD. I already know that His will and mine are the same, I'm just not sure of the HOW and the WHEN of it all.

He is with me. He is aware of me. He loves me. I am in the palm of His hand. Miracles still exist and why not? Why not.

Fear not, I am with thee
Oh, be not dismayed
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid!
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

This is my "theme song" I guess you could say. I sang this (to myself) while I was in the scanner. Sometimes we don't see the miracle until after the trial of our faith. My faith has been, and still is being tried. But, I know that He will keep his promises to me. He will not let me fail.

So there it is. I either have faith, or I don't. I find that despite all this, I still DO and hope that you do too.